


in my veins

by CapnWinghead



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Infidelity, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Sharing a Bed, World Travel, mentions of Audra/Bill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26608990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapnWinghead/pseuds/CapnWinghead
Summary: Bill would’ve liked to believe that it was random.Some spur of the moment thing.One moment he's talking to Mike on the phone about his upcoming book tour around the world, the next he's inviting Mike to come along. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	in my veins

**Author's Note:**

> An AU post IT: Chapter Two where Mike stayed in Derry. 
> 
> If you're concerned about the Bill/Audra in the story, please see the end notes.
> 
> This is my first real fic for this fandom. I really love these two and I hope you guys enjoy the story.
> 
> Title inspired by Andrew Belle's "In My Veins"

In the end, Bill would’ve liked to believe that it was random.

Some spur of the moment thing.

The Losers, well, the survivors, had all kept in touch after the final showdown in Derry. Ben and Bev kept up FaceTime convos at least a few times a month. Richie checked in when he remembered, when he was in town or when he was lonely (which was a lot). Bill and Mike called each other quite a bit just to check in, what with Mike deciding to remain in Derry after everything. It was on one of these calls that Bill made the offer.

He’d been relaxed, flushed and happy, leaning back in the cushy chair on his patio in London. A light buzz from the wine he’d sipped while Mike told him about life in the library. However mundane and tedious Mike seemed to find it, hearing it in his own words never failed to entertain Bill. He liked hearing about the troublemaking Rudezski twins and Nina the sexagenarian that kept proposing marriage every time she stopped in. Most of all, Bill liked hearing about Derry through Mike’s eyes. Its hidden beauty and warmth – the town described as Bill had never really seen it after Georgie’s death. Somehow, Mike still managed to find something to love there.

“And it almost makes me wonder what it would’ve been like if things had turned out differently for me,” Mike finished, his voice deep and soulful, a twinge of doubt around the edges.

“How d’you mean?”

“You know, if I’d…” he let out a slow breath and Bill could picture him settling back on the couch in his apartment. “If I’d left and gone to college out of state. Met someone and settled down, done a different job. Maybe become an editor? Work for a publisher? If I’d reached for something bigger than,” he cut himself off and Bill finished for him.

“Bigger than Derry.”

“Yeah.” There was a pause. “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful,”  _ As if you ever could, Mikey, _ Bill thought, sipping his wine. “But, sometimes I think about what my life would have been like. Would I have been successful? Would I be married? Would there be kids?”

The words left a sour taste in Bill’s mouth as he took a longer sip of wine. He was still coming to terms with accepting Pennywise might have had a role in his success. On its face, he’d suffered from imposter syndrome quite a few times in his career. It didn’t take long for him to realize that several of his closest “friends” and fans were also on his payroll. How much of his popularity was actually due to his talent? Alone, he didn’t think much of it – after all, there were several famous writers whose works he didn’t fancy. Then he’d realized Ben, Beverly, Richie, Eddie and Stan had all managed tremendous careers, as well. All of the Losers had blossomed.

Except Mike.

“Bill?”

Bill swallowed thickly, staring deep into the dark red of his glass. “And d’you want all of those things, Mikey?”

There was a smile in his voice. “I dunno. I’m just thinking out loud. You know,” he trailed off. “A lot of ‘ifs’ swimming around my head these days. S’what happens when you spend your days reading about lives bigger, grander, and more extraordinary than your own.”

It was late, even later in Derry and Mike was clearly close to sleep. Sometimes, Bill imagined him in his bed, curled up with the lights out. No sound except for Bill’s voice in his ear, lulling him to sleep. Some nights, Bill felt closer to Mike than anyone else. Like he was the only person that got to know that rougher, huskier dip to his voice when he was seconds away from drifting off to sleep.

In the beginning, Mike called much earlier in the day. Around lunch time, before dinner, that kind of thing. It was Bill who changed things up. Mike called one night when Bill was in a different time zone on a book tour. It had been well past eleven and Bill insisted that he didn’t mind. Mike called later the next time when Bill was a few hours behind. When Bill returned to London, he didn’t tell Mike. He liked how much looser and free Mike sounded when he was getting ready for bed. A few times, he’d put himself on speaker and Bill could hear him washing his face, brushing his teeth, puttering around the apartment and making sure the doors were locked. It was almost like being with him.

“You know marriage,” Bill lost his thought almost immediately. “It’s not everything. It’s – it’s a lot of w-work and sometimes it doesn’t feel like you – like you think it’s supposed to feel.”

It came out much more melancholic than he’d intended. Because really, if there was any one of them that deserved to be married, to find someone, it was Mike. If anyone was capable of making it work, it was him.

“I just m-mean that it’s not what it looks like on television or how it reads in books. It’s messy and sometimes unpleasant and it doesn’t always make you feel like a hero.” He shook his head, setting his wine glass down. Pressing his fingers into his eyes, he huffed out a laugh. “I’m fucking this up, sorry. I’m just tired. I’ve got to be on a plane tomorrow night.”

“Really? To where?”

“Japan. Part of the book tour. We’re trying to expand so that the film will have more of a presence in Asia.”

“Japan? Wow! That’s amazing.” To hear him tell it, Bill almost believed him.

“Have you gone?”

“No, I’ve never been. But, I’ve heard wonderful things and I’ve read a lot. I’ve always wanted to see Mount Fuji and the Philosopher’s Walk. It looks absolutely breathtaking in photos.”

Bill held the phone closer to his ear, insulating him from the chilled night air. He ran a hand over his head, smiling to himself. “You should come.”

A pause. “What?”

“Come with me,” Bill said, his voice stronger this time. “You’ve always wanted to go and I would’ve been going by myself anyway. Why not?”

“Oh,” Mike said lowly. “What about Audra?”

“What about her? She’s working.” He chewed on his lip for a second. “I’ll be working, too, but at the very least, I could show you a few of the things on your list. Bring a list,” he added as an afterthought.

Mike laughed, the sound making Bill’s blood thrum with excitement. “You’re serious?”

“Totally. Besides, I’ve been trying to drag you out of Derry for a while, haven’t I?”

“Japan’s a little far, don’t you think?”

_ Not far enough _ . “Are you in or not?”

A longer pause and then Mike let out a slow breath. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Bill mustered up some of his old enthusiasm, finding it much easier than he expected. “Just okay? Come on, Mikey!”

“Okay! Okay! I’m in! I’ll – just let me get packed.” Bill could hear rummaging around on the other end. “Japan! Wow!”

* * *

Mike met Bill at the airport in Narita, Haneda.

Dressed in simple jeans and a t-shirt with that same old childish glee in his eye as he gazed at the flashing lights in the airport. Bill hung back by the post near his gate, just watching as Mike stopped at a nearby toy stand and marveled at the gigantic stuffed animals. When he caught sight of Bill, his smile brightened, the warmth and recognition leaving Bill a little tongue-tied, stuck in place. What it must be like to love life as much as Mike did. It was a wonder, after everything he’d seen.

Bill cleared his throat, forcing himself forward, his bag trailing behind him. “Mike!” he called out, grinning as Mike pulled him into a tight hug, tucking his head into his neck. Mike gave the best hugs. He smelled of books and light soap. No heavy cologne or artificial scents. Authentic and pleasant.

Mike pulled back, pointing at a nearby newsstand. “They have your books in there, Bill! All of them, even  _ The Black Rapids _ !”

In his excitement, his voice rose and captured the attention of a few people nearby. Bill wrapped an arm around Mike’s waist and steered him towards the exit. “Yes, yes, I saw that.”

“That’s so cool, Bill,” he whispered in awe.

“Very cool,” he replied distractedly as they moved through the crowded area.

Bill’s driver was waiting for him near the doors and he bundled Mike in the backseat while the driver put their bags in the car. Mike slid across the seat, eyes wide as he gazed out of the windows. Bill sat back and checked his phone, noting that he’d somehow missed thirty emails while he was out of pocket. Sighing, he started to reply to a few as Mike chattered excitedly about the scene passing the windows.

At one point, he even dragged the driver into conversation. Bill set his phone down to find Mike leaning forward in his seat, enraptured.

“You grew up here?” he asked.

“I did. My grandfather actually helped build the hotel I’m taking you to. I know these streets like the back of my hand,” the driver replied with a smile. Normally, Bill found his drivers just as inclined to be silent as he was. It seemed Mike charmed everyone.

“So, you could tell us the best places to eat?” Mike asked.

The driver glanced at Bill in the rearview mirror before returning to the road. He put on his turn signal, his voice light. “The places I normally dine in are maybe not your speed.”

“How so?”

“There are plenty of,” he chose his words carefully, “high class restaurants to enjoy but I don’t bother eating out unless it’s at one of the smaller, lesser known shops on the outskirts of the city.”

“Oh, well, I’m from a small town. I don’t need to go to a fancy, big city restaurant. I just care about the taste.”

The driver flashed a smile, a glint of white teeth in the rearview mirror. “Alright,” he drawled, the tone making Bill sit up and take notice. “Maybe I could take you later tonight.”

Mike didn’t seem to notice the tonal shift, prompting Bill to chime in. “I’ll be out until late this evening. I don’t think we’ll have time to go far outside of the city.”

“That’s okay. I can take him,” the driver replied smoothly.

“I don’t want to be a bother,” Mike added worriedly.

“I don’t mind,” the driver said.

Bill, not one to let Mike spend his first time out of the country with a stranger, especially one sending out cues Mike seemed incapable of reading. “I think it best we stay close, don’t you?”

He looked to Mike and Mike nodded once, averting his gaze briefly. He offered a smile, “Probably. Maybe some other time,” he said to the driver. “We’ve got a week, right?”

“Right,” Bill replied lightly.

The rest of the drive passed in silence.

Mike’s strange mood passed the moment they entered the hotel room.

Located in Chiyodo City, Tokyo and on the penthouse floor, they had the best possible view of the city. The bright lights, flashing billboards and passing cars down below. It was a sight to behold and Mike rushed forwards towards the floor length windows so quickly that Bill feared he might burst through them.

“Bill! Oh my god, come here and look at this!” He let out a cheer, peering down at the bustling city below. He glanced back at Bill, a wide grin on his face. “Bill! Come on!”

Almost all at once, Bill felt some of that old excitement fill him once more. He’d thought himself long past being excited about things like this, after all, this was his fourth trip to Japan. But Mike’s enthusiasm was infectious and Bill laughed, letting himself be beckoned forward.

Mike grabbed his wrist once he was close enough, pulling him in. “Look at this!” He babbled on excitedly, pointing out little things he could make out from up high. Things Bill hadn’t even thought to notice the first few times around. He found himself following Mike’s observations curiously, gazing down at the city with fresh eyes.

Mike’s voice softened, “We don’t have anything like this back home.”

Bill studied him quietly, his wrist still snug in Mike’s grip. “No, we don’t.”

Bill got ready for his interview, putting on the same old overpriced suit.

He used to only do press in book stores but, as the film’s opening drew closer, his managers put him on the circuit going on talk shows and discussing the adaptation more than his material. He didn’t mind exactly – it was still his. Before they inevitably edited and chopped and sliced and diced a lot of the individuality until it became just like every other thriller on the big screen. But the money was still green and it allowed him to continue putting out books he was proud of. That had to count for something, right?

He stepped out of the bathroom, straightening his tie. “So, listen, I’ll be gone for about three hours. You can order whatever you like,” he trailed off, eyes wide as he found Mike sitting curled up in a chair, his nose in the hotel tour guide. “Mike? Are you listening?”

His head popped up, eyes wide as though he’d been caught. “Oh, yes. You have an interview.”

“The car will be here in twenty minutes.”

“Right,” Mike rubbed his hands together, a nervous smile on his face. “Could I come?” At Bill’s surprise, he hurried to add, “Just to watch! That’s all. I’d really like to see it. If that’s okay.”

“Oh,” Bill said quietly, his throat drying out.

“It’s okay. I didn’t think – I should’ve asked earlier. Of course, I can’t—”

“No, no, it’s fine. It’s fine.” He offered a small smile, “It’s just, no one’s ever,” he cut himself off. “Audra’s never wanted to come. If you want, of course you can come. I’ll make it happen.”

“Great!” Mike brightened and the sight alone was enough to make the strange chill in Bill’s blood fade away. Mike tugged at his shirt, “Is this alright?”

It was a plaid shirt, the same kind he wore every day. Bill didn’t very much care what Mike wore – if it were up to him, Bill would be wearing pretty much the same thing but he had to live up to the image. “We’ll stop somewhere on the way.”

Mike protested Bill’s generosity about a hundred times before he finally let the tailor fit him for the suit. It was a dark blue, a wonderful shade against Mike’s dark skin. It fell nicely along Mike’s broad shoulders and the shape made him appear even taller than he already was.

Mike was a handsome man; a fact that hadn’t exactly escaped Bill’s attention.

When they’d first met up in the Chinese restaurant in Derry, he’d noted the worn look to Mike’s features. The dark shadows under his eyes and the faraway look in them, as though he’d seen so much in the time they’d been apart. Even so, there was this warmth to him, seeping into Bill’s skin, into his marrow, when Mike had wrapped his strong arms around him and held him close. This draw that made Bill more hesitant to listen to his better judgment, the voice that told him to get the hell out of Derry and never look back.

“How do I look?” Mike asked, turning towards Bill and spreading his arms out with a bashful smile.

Smiling, Bill ignored the strange flutter in his stomach as he stood up. “Looks great. We’ll take it.”

The tailor rang them up and Bill managed to steer Mike towards the door before he had time to ask how much it cost.

Mike found a spot off to the side in the front row during the interview.

The host got the usual questions out of the way. How was Bill liking Japan so far? How did it differ from London and how was Audra - how did she deal with him being away so long? When conversation returned to the book, the questions became a little harder to answer. After all, how could he explain that he’d drawn from his experiences in the Derry sewers fighting a psychotic child murdering clown?

“With the premiere coming up soon for the adaptation of your last book, are you at all thinking about when they’ll start production on this one?”

Bill pulled at his pants nervously, keeping his voice steady and paced. “I can’t think about that just yet,” he said with a smile. “First, the book has to do well and the studio has to love it enough to want to adapt it. And, of course, that’s only if the first film does well,” he added slyly, earning a laugh.

“I’m sure it will. You’re a very talented author,” the host replied.

“The truth is, I don’t know how well received any of this will be. This new book, it’s,” he paused, swallowing nervously as his eyes scanned the crowd. They fell on Mike who offered an encouraging smile. Bill returned it, finishing, “It’s something new. For me, anyway.”

The host followed Bill’s line of sight briefly before asking, “How so?”

“Well, it’s certainly more personal, a bit less of your typical horror story with faceless characters and a simple villain.” His eyes fell to Mike’s once more and his voice grew stronger. “There’s more of myself and my friends in this story. I can only hope that everyone enjoys it and gives me the chance to tell more stories like this one.”

Afterwards, Mike met up with Bill in front of the stage. He’d waited for quite a while for the fans to take pictures with Bill and get copies of their books signed. He didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, when Bill was finished, Mike presented his own copy. Bill shook his head, taking it carefully, eying how gently Mike handled the book.

“I was going to give you one, you idiot,” he murmured, opening the inside cover.

“Oh, I know, but I was planning on selling this one,” he replied, earning a laugh. Bill scrawled a quick message inside and closed it sharply, sliding it over before Mie could read it. Mike held it close to his chest, waiting for Bill to grab his things and come around the table. The sight of it in Mike’s arms made Bill feel a bit strange, his chest tightening as he tore his eyes away.

“Ready to eat?” he asked and Mike nodded, perking up a bit.

“Where to?”

“I hope you don’t mind,” Bill began, picking up his sushi roll. “I figured we’d have time to explore a bit tomorrow so, we could eat in tonight.”

Mike exited the bathroom in a fluffy bathrobe, emerging from a cloud of steam. His skin gleaming, still damp from the shower. He flashed a quick smile as he moved over to his suitcase. Bill froze, his food inches from his mouth. He watched as Mike set his folded clothes inside and sat down on the floor across from Bill at the table on his knees. He looked to Bill expectantly, his eyes open and excited.

“Okay, so, what is all of this?”

Bill focused up, setting his chopsticks down. “Well, I ordered a little bit of everything. They had a big assortment of rolls so I got two of everything.” He kneeled up, gesturing to the platter. “There’s some hibachi rice and some teriyaki chicken. I got a vegetable plate, too, if you – if you w-wanted.” He trailed off, realizing Mike was staring at him quietly, biting down a smile. Bill laughed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m going really fast, aren’t I?”

“A little bit.” He turned the platter a bit, pulling the sushi towards him. “See, I know what these are but I’ve never actually eaten it before.”

“You haven’t?”

“We don’t get a lot of sushi in Derry,” he replied, picking up the chopsticks. He was a bit awkward with them, come to think of it, Bill couldn’t remember if he’d used them that night at the restaurant. After a few flubs, he laughed at himself, looking to Bill shyly. “A little help here.”

Bill laughed with him, sliding around the table and sitting beside him. “Okay, you have to hold your hands like this,” he began, taking Mike’s hand in his. It was warm, a little larger than Bill’s. Bill’s face warmed a bit as he continued on, “Then you just sort of move your fingers like this,” he guided Mike through the motion, his voice lowering as he leaned in close. Mike was so warm, drawing him in.

He watched closely as Mike drew the roll up to his mouth, biting in experimentally. His eyes widened in surprise as he let out a happy sound. “Good?” Bill asked, sitting back, his leg propped up behind Mike’s back.

“It’s really good,” Mike said with a smile. “Thanks, Bill.”

Bill waved him off, picking up his own piece of sushi again. He could move back to his spot across the table but, why bother? Mike didn’t seem to mind. They ate quietly but the silence didn’t seem to bother them.

“You really do this every time you release a book?” Mike asked curiously, long lashes fluttering over his cheeks as he tried the salmon roll.

“Now I do,” Bill answered honestly. “I wasn’t always this successful. It took two books before I really blew up. Before I was even on the radar for film producers. Before I met Audra,” he said, averting his gaze. “I was just a writer and my teachers hated just about everything I wrote. It was too gory, not at all like the coming of age and romance novels everyone else in my classes were writing.”

“I always liked your work,” Mike offered shyly, glancing at his briefly before returning to the platter. “It has a lot of heart.”

The words warmed Bill even as he brushed them off. “They used to before the screenwriters slashed them to bits.”

“There’s still good in them, I’m sure of it.” He sounded so certain, Bill almost believed it. “It must be great working with Audra.”

“Yeah, it’s,” Bill poked at the teriyaki chicken for a moment. “It’s really something.”

“Will I get the chance to meet her?”

“Oh, sure,” Bill said. For some strange reason, the thought made him feel a bit off center. Like the thought of Mike and Audra existing on the same plane was hard to fathom. Still, there was no reason Mike couldn’t meet her. “If you don’t mind, you could come back with me instead. Take a detour and spend some time in London?”

Mike’s eyes widened, his mouth falling open a bit. “Oh, I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Well good, because you won’t be.”

“You’re sure? I already piggybacked on this trip. You really want me to tag along with you to London?”

“I don’t mind. Honestly, you’d be doing me a favor. Save me from riding back alone. I get terrible panic attacks on planes sometimes.”

“Do you really?”

“Something about being out of control,” he explained, sipping his water. “I used to have to knock myself out or get completely wasted to make it through. Maybe having you there will help some.”

“Couldn’t hurt,” Mike replied with a smile.

* * *

Japan passed faster than Bill realized.

He still had to work. A few more interviews and a signing in a large bookstore. Mike tagged along to all of them, somehow managing to find joy in everything. Bill’s agent Marta had asked who the handsome stranger was in several pictures with him and Bill hadn’t known what to call him except a friend from back home. Marta could have called Mike a distraction but she’d only noted that Bill seemed more focused than ever and more personable in his interviews. Whoever Mike was, he was a good influence. Her comments amused Mike to no end.

They visited the Philosopher’s Walk and they took a boat tour that finally gave Mike the perfect opportunity to see Fuji Mountain. Bill found time to take him to all the touristy spots and bought him more souvenirs than Mike could carry. He was eternally grateful and tried to refuse all of it but Bill insisted. Bill often found himself being dragged into conversations with complete strangers and tour guides and smitten shop owners.

It was fun seeing the country through Mike’s eyes. He was so enthusiastic about everything and it was contagious. Bill had never seen this version of Japan. He found the prospect of leaving much more difficult this time around.

On the ride back, they watched some rom com that Bill refused to admit held his attention. It put Mike right to sleep. There was a little turbulence but it was easier to deal with Mike’s head on his shoulder and his soft breathing on Bill’s neck. He’d borrowed Bill’s blanket and burrowed into it, somehow at peace several feet in the air.

They landed in London and Mike was just as ecstatic to be there as he was in Japan. He kept close to Bill, asking a million questions. “Am I going to be okay with money? I didn’t have time to exchange any.”

“You’re fine, you’re fine,” Bill insisted, steering Mike towards the cabs outside. “Besides, it’s not like I’m going to let you pay for anything.”

Mike stiffened. “Bill, you can’t just pay for me all the time.”

“Why not?”

“It’s weird,” Mike said, his words quiet and drawing Bill’s attention. His eyes were downcast, clearly uncomfortable. “I get that I don’t have as much money as you or Ben or Bev or Richie or, well any of you guys. But I can buy some things for myself.”

“I know,” Bill insisted, touching his knee. “I know, I just, well, it was my idea for you to come here. You’re my guest. Of course, I want to take care of you.” Mike chewed on his lip, still a bit hesitant. “Besides, here, I have my things and you’re staying with me so it won’t be nearly as expensive.”

Mike nodded, staring out the windows. “You really live close to the heart of the city?”

“Not quite. It’s a lot quieter out where we live. We’re not far from here.”

The house was empty when they arrived. Bill was relieved before the guilt set in.

He set Mike up in the guest room and laid his suitcase on the bed. He ordered in some Thai food and sat at the table telling Mike all about London and when he’d moved there. In no time at all, the food arrived and they kept talking. Mike took to using chopsticks like he’d been doing it all his life.

Bill wasn’t an idiot – he knew this extended trip was coming to a close. Soon, Mike would be back on a plane to Derry and Bill would have to finish the last leg of his tour alone. More empty hotel rooms, rushing from event to event and finding time to think about Audra and not calling her. More time to think about how the only time he’d been happy touring had been the days spent letting Mike lead him around Japan.

Bill poked at his food, trying to muster the courage to ask. “Say,” he pushed his food aside, wiping his hands. Mike looked to him curiously. “You don’t have to go. Back, I mean. To Derry.”

Mike blinked at him, “Bill, it’s my home.”

“No, no, I know and I get that but,” he let out a slow breath. “You don’t have to go back right away. Right?” Mike’s brows rose. “You liked it, right? Japan?”

“It was awesome!”

“Yeah, it was,” Bill said, retiring the smile. “There’s still a few places left on my tour and I’m sure you’re long overdue for some vacation time at the library. Come with me,” he said, gripping Mike’s arm lightly. “Just for the rest of the tour. We’ll see Rome and Copenhagen and Paris. It’ll be fun, Mikey.”

Mike’s eyes lit up for a moment before he averted them. Clearing his throat, he poked at his food. “I don’t know. You’re so busy and I’d just get in the way.”

“No, you wouldn’t. All those nights we spoke on the phone, you never once talked about the things  _ you’ve _ seen. Come with me,” he said softly, drawing Mike’s gaze. “It’ll be fun and you’ll keep me from staying in my hotel room alone all the time.”

Mike chewed on his lip, biting down a smile. “You’re sure?”

“Of course, I’m sure.” He squeezed Mike’s shoulder, smile widening as Mike nodded. “Then it’s settled.”

* * *

They rode bikes in Copenhagen.

Bill had been in a rather crabby mood returning from a meeting with Marta. Mike had left him a message to meet him in front of their hotel and he found him standing outside with two bikes. Bill laughed out loud, resting his hands on his hips as he came to stand in front of him.

“Where did you get these?”

“I’m resourceful. Take a ride with me,” he said, cocking his head to the side.

They rode on trails and whatever stretch of land they felt like. Wasn’t long before they found themselves outside of the crowded city. It was nice, the rush of the air against his face, the familiar soreness in his legs as he pedaled as fast as he could. Mike kept up with him, a wide smile on his face as he scanned the landscape. They rode for hours, never seeming to tire until Mike found a soft field and called it quits for a moment.

He stretched out on his back, lacing his fingers behind his head. Bill followed suit, lying down next to him. He felt worn out and overwarm – it was a great feeling.

“I really needed that. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Mike looked to him in question. “Something wrong?”

“Oh, nothing,” he began before sighing, “and everything. I’m just being dramatic.” Mike laughed, the sound encouraging Bill to go on. “The book’s doing well. Not as well as the others but, it’s reaching a whole new market and that’s great just…”

He trailed off as Mike turned towards him, giving him his full attention. “Marta wants me to do something I’m not ready to do.”

“What?”

“The book’s about my childhood; it’s about Derry, in so many words.” His stomach twisted. “She wants me to talk about Georgie.”

“Really?”

Bill nodded. “Thinks it’ll help if there’s more of a personal touch. As if the book isn’t personal enough.” He sat up. “I don’t know, it just feels cheap. Just about everything’s online these days. If anyone wants to know, they can research it but I just don’t feel right using that – using  _ him _ , to sell a few books.”

Mike sat up. “You shouldn’t have to.”

“Then I think, aren’t I doing that already?” he asked, raising a brow. “I mean, this story is our lives. Aren’t I using all of us?”

“I read your book, Bill. It’s not just about us, it’s about what it felt like growing up in Derry. It’s about how a group of kids that never fit in anywhere else found each other and saved our town. We saved each other. You wrote about what you know and how you felt and there’s something in that for a lot of people to relate to. If it helps even one other person feel not so alone in the world, how can that be a bad thing?”

Bill’s chest tightened, a knot in his throat. “Thanks, Mikey,” he rasped, tugging him into a hug.

* * *

Italy was an exercise in how many sweets Bill could avoid in three days.

Mike was determined to try everything under the sun! Panzerotti, paninis and scaccia. Every type of pastry imaginable, to the point where Bill started to wonder where Mike was putting all of it. Bill took him to a restaurant where he stuffed himself silly with freshly prepared spaghetti carbonara. Were it not for the fact that Bill had an interview in the morning, he was sure Mike would’ve stayed there overnight.

Afterwards, he was adorably tired. Bill chuckled softly on the ride home as Mike leaned heavily against his shoulder, rubbing sleepily at his eyes.

“Tired, Mikey?”

At the sluggish nod, Bill smiled fondly, rubbing Mike’s shoulder as he sank further into him. Streetlamps passed quickly by their windows, illuminating the soft lines of Mike’s face as he slept. Asleep, pressed tight to Bill’s side, he seemed so fragile and young. The sight tugged at Bill’s heart, bringing back that old familiar instinct to protect him; perhaps it had never really left.

When Bill looked at Mike, he felt the warmth of sunlight on his skin, he recalled the chalky scent of sunscreen and remembered the sticky feel of ice cream cones melting over his fingers. Mike reminded him of his childhood, but Mike certainly wasn’t a child anymore. Even with that knowledge, Bill still gathered Mike in arms as if he could shield him from the world. As if protecting him now could somehow make up for all those years Mike spent alone.

In truth, being with Mike these past few weeks made Bill wonder how he’d ever left him behind.

The cab stopped in front of their hotel. “We’re here, Mikey,” Bill murmured.

Mike woke slowly, half asleep as he climbed out and let Bill guide him through the lobby. The sparkling marble floors gleamed beneath the golden light from the extravagant chandeliers hanging from a ceiling. So grand even Bill was almost in awe of it. If Mike were more awake, he’d be snapping pictures. The fact that he noticed none of it, nor the glass floor of the elevator, told of how tired he was.

When they got to the room, Bill floundered for a moment. In the midst of arranging for Mike to come with him, he’d forgotten to ask Marta to modify the reservations. Hence the large, rather lavish king size bed in the center of the room.

Clearing his throat, Bill looked back to find Mike standing in the doorway rubbing tiredly at his eyes. He didn’t seem to notice anything was amiss. Instead, he blinked at Bill curiously.

“Um, there’s only one bed,” he said sheepishly. “I must’ve forgotten to tell Marta to make adjustments for Italy.”

“Oh,” Mike said quietly, rubbing at the back of his neck. He moved past Bill and sat down on the bed, bouncing a bit. The small lift to the corner of his mouth made Bill smile despite himself. “Seems big enough. I don’t kick,” he added amusedly.

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure. I’ve never stayed any place like this,” he mused, staring up at the ceiling.

Bill followed his lead, noticing the intricate and detailed paintings along the ceiling. He returned to Mike, breath catching as he took in the soft wonder in his eyes. A dizzying warmth expanded in his chest as he watched Mike take it in. Drawn forward, he slipped his hands in his pockets as he came to stand in front of the bed, his world narrowed to the man in front of him. As it had been the past few weeks.

It was a wonder how Bill had ever found anything as enthralling as he did watching Mike marvel at new things. Bill was starting to wonder if he’d ever really enjoyed anything at all.

Mike looked to him, flashing a smile. Bill’s heart stuttered, skipping a beat in response. “Well, if you’re fine with it.” He licked his lips nervously. “I’ll just get ready for bed.”

Mike ran hot. Warm enough that Bill woke up in the middle of the night to find the covers bunched around their feet. At some point, they’d moved to the center of the bed. Mike had curled on his side facing him. His chest softly rose and fell, his mouth moving silently as he murmured in his sleep.

Bill matched his breathing, falling asleep between one breath and the next.

* * *

Their last day in Italy, Bill watched Mike go to town on a cup of gelato, the scent of sweet vanilla cream wafting through the air. Bill tried to pay attention to their surroundings but he was helpless to watch. Eying that pink tongue as it swiped over his lips, a delighted smile on his face as Bill tried his damndest to keep his thoughts G rated. Mike was raving about some bookshop he’d found around the corner and Bill was having an existential crisis.

It wasn’t that he’d never thought about kissing a man. He hadn’t been immune to the experimental college phase and his friends had been writers – all about experiencing everything from trying cocaine for the first time to getting in each other’s pants as often as possible. He’d come damn close to sleeping with one of his guy friends at a party once but he hadn’t gone through with it. He’d been too afraid of what that particular experience might reveal. He hadn’t been ready to face that part of himself just yet.

So, it wasn’t that he’d never found men attractive. He wasn’t blind and he wasn’t so insecure that he couldn’t admit other men were handsome.

It certainly wasn’t as if he’d never found Mike attractive. However, Bill had never really thought about what it would be like to kiss Mike. What would happen if he just pushed him back against the stone wall behind him and pressed their lips together? Would they be soft? Would they be a little cold to the touch? Would he taste of sweet cream? Would it be gentle and sweet, Mike’s mouth falling open in surprise? Would he lean into it, eager and wanting? Had Mike ever thought about kissing a man? Had he thought about kissing Bill?

Bill’s heart beat fast like a hummingbird, his hands nervous as he tried to push the thought from his mind. He was married. Not only that, he was straight. It was just a fleeting thought, a passing curiosity brought on by how much time they’d been spending together.

Nothing would come of it.

* * *

When they returned to London, Audra was home.

It was late in the afternoon when they arrived. Mike was exhausted but he dropped his bags immediately to greet her with a hug and a bright smile.

“Audra, hi! I’m so excited to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you, I feel like I already know you.”

Audra hugged him back with a bemused smile, looking to Bill curiously. “I wish I could say the same,” she said, pulling back. “You must be Mike.”

Bill stepped forward, running a hand through his hair. Audra’s eyes cut through him in seconds. “Yes, he came with me to Italy for the tour.”

“And Copenhagen and Japan, by the sound of it,” she said with a tight smile. She offered Mike a wider one before excusing herself. “Dinner will be ready in a few hours. I had Jen whip up something simple. Excuse me.”

Bill watched, a lead weight in the pit of his stomach. Swallowing, he nodded at Mike absently as he moved past, “I’m going to unpack.”

Dinner was a somber affair.

Audra and Bill sat across from each other and Mike sat next to Bill. He did his best to keep the conversation going. God bless him for that.

“So, how have you been?” Mike asked.

“Good, good,” Audra replied, picking at her salad. “I took a break from reshoots to visit my parents.”

“Oh, and where are they?”

“They’re taking some time in Wales, laying low. I don’t get to see them as much as I’d like.”

“I’m sorry,” Mike replied sincerely, drawing her attention. “I miss my parents every day.”

“Oh, do they live far from you?”

Bill touched his hand as Mike smiled softly. “No, they passed. Quite some time ago.”

Brow furrowed, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” she said softly. She wiped at her mouth. “Bill tells me you grew up together?”

“Sort of. Yes and no,” Mike said with a wider smile. “We met when we were young, but I really only knew him for a summer before we all sort of went our separate ways. I kept up with them as best I could, but my life stayed in Derry. They all went on to do extraordinary things.”

“Did you ever think about leaving?”

“Sometimes, I guess. Derry is my home.”

“It’s nice that you feel such a connection with it. I don’t know that I’ve ever truly felt that. My parents moved around a lot when I was growing up. My dad was in the service.”

“So, you must’ve seen a lot of the world,” Mike said, smoothly transitioning to a lighter topic. Bill often admired that about him.

Audra smiled, “You could say that. No place I really called home, but I quite liked Australia.”

“I’ve always wanted to go,” Mike said honestly.

“You should. You definitely should. It’s a lovely place, even when the temperature becomes nearly unbearable. I like the heat.”

Bill averted his gaze, poking at his food. It went without saying that London wasn’t a very warm locale. When he returned to them, he noticed Audra had paled considerably, her eyes focused on something below his eyeline.

Mike was going on about the various wildlife he’d read about that were only found in Australia and New Zealand. He didn’t seem to have noticed her strange mood. As he leaned forward, Bill realized his hand was still covering Mike’s, wrapped loosely around his. Bill hadn’t even noticed. Swallowing, his gaze cut to Audra again, catching her eyes. She looked to Mike and back to Bill, her mouth a thin line.

She stood up suddenly and Mike went silent. “I have to go,” she said and left the table.

Bill sighed, wiping his mouth and standing up to follow. “Audra, wait.”

She moved into the living room, far enough that her hushed voice couldn’t be overhead, “You have some nerve, Bill Denbrough.”

“It’s not anything that you’re thinking.”

“ _ Not anything that I’m thinking? _ ” she demanded, eyes going wide. “It’s bad enough that you spend your nights talking to him on the phone for all hours of the night, taking his calls where I can’t overhear you, but now you fly him out here and parade him around in front of me? Have you no decency?”

“He’s just a friend. I’m not even gay.”

“Have you slept together yet?” she asked plainly, her voice brittle. Bill gaped at her. “No, I suspect not. He’s probably a virgin.”

Bill cut her off sharply. “Don’t.”

“You can’t even see it, can you?” she asked with a shake of her head. “The way you are with him – you’ve never been like that with me. Is that what you needed? Someone around to worship you, is that it? Someone to be your little cheerleader. To fawn after you and make you feel like the big man on campus again. Make you feel like Big Bill again,” she spat.

“This isn’t about Mike at all,” Bill cut in. “It’s about you. It’s about you being unable to accept that this marriage isn’t new anymore. It’s not novel. The honeymoon period has been over for a long time and you don’t want this anymore. You don’t want me anymore.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you even remember the last time we were home at the same time? Because I know I can’t. We used to make time for each other but we don’t anymore. I have to hear that you got a role in the new Fincher flick from the fucking Enquirer. You didn’t think to tell me.”

Her eyes lowered, arms crossed tight across her chest. “I didn’t think you’d care.” She looked up at him, her eyes drifting off to something behind him. She straightened, raising her chin. “I’m going to bed.”

She left, passing Mike on her way through the hall. Bill’s mouth went dry, mind racing as he tried to figure how much he could have heard.

“Mike,” he tried as Mike stepped back.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to eaves drop, but she was upset and I thought it must’ve been something I did. I thought, if maybe I could smooth things over, I could,” his voice wavered, eyes welling up. Bill was drawn forward, reaching out as Mike stepped back. “I’m sorry. I really am. You know that, right?”

He looked to Bill, the way he always had when they were kids. Like Bill could fix it, like Bill could fix  _ anything. _ It was humbling more than anything else. If only Mike knew just how helpless Bill felt all the time. “None of this had to do with you. I know how it must look but it’s not about you. Not really.”

A tear rolled down Mike’s cheek, his voice thick. “No, it is. It’s what I do. I just make things harder for everyone.”

Bill touched his arm, “You don’t.”

Mike looked up, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I do.” His breath hitched, curling in on himself. “You, Richie, Bev, Ben.” He wiped at his face. “Eddie and Stan. I just make things worse for everyone.”

Tugging him into a hug, Bill held him tight, stroking his back as he shook. His breath coming out in quick pants, his face wet where it pressed into Bill’s neck. “Mike, no one blames you. If you hadn’t called, more people would have died.”

“If I’d tried to stop It on my own,” he bit out, fingers twisted in Bill’s shirt.

“We would have lost you.” He held Mike tighter as he spoke, chasing the thought away.

The worst part wasn’t just that Mike would’ve been lost to them – it was that they would have never remembered him at all. He pressed his lips to Mike’s temple, breathing in deep. “None of this is your fault. You stayed behind, Mikey. You were our lighthouse. You’re one of us and we made a promise.”

He pulled back, holding Mike’s gaze as his breathing slowed. Mike’s eyes were soft, looking to Bill as if he held all the answers. Bill cupped his face, his voice firm. “None of this is your fault.” Mike’s eyes widened in doubt, his brow furrowed. Bill smoothed his thumbs over his cheeks, wiping away his tears. Finally, Mike nodded, letting out a slow breath. Bill pulled him into a hug, feeling Mike melt into him, clearly tired.

Smiling, Bill steered him towards the guest room, pointedly ignoring his closed bedroom door. He’d have to deal with his failing marriage some time, but tonight, he wanted to put it off for a little bit longer. He watched from the doorway as Mike sat down on the edge of the bed and rubbed at his eyes. It brought a smile to Bill’s face, a fondness settling in.

“Can you stay? Just for a little bit,” Mike asked.

“Sure,” Bill said, coming over to sit next to him on the bed.

Mike smiled at him, lying back. Bill returned it, following suit. The door was wide open, their feet were on the floor. It was hardly inappropriate. Even so, Bill felt a strange tension between them, in the space where they did not touch. Bill licked his lips, watching as Mike’s eyes followed the motion.

The last time he’d felt this way, he’d quickly left the room to change. Tonight, he stayed.

Mike cleared his throat, asking, “Did you always want to live in London?”

“Not exactly. I like it more than other places I’ve lived. Sometimes, I think it’s because parts of this area remind me of Derry.”

“How’d you know you were making the right choice?”

“I dunno. I’m never sure.”

The corner of Mike’s mouth turned up, his eyes warm. “You doubt yourself a lot.” Bill shrugged, laughing softly. “You shouldn’t,” he added quietly.

The words settled in like a balm, working to unravel the knot in Bill’s chest. All at once, he found it that bit easier to breathe. “You think so?”

Mike nodded, turning his cheek to the coverlet. “Bill, you have to know I did everything I possibly could to avoid bringing you back.”

“I know,” Bill said gently. Mike’s face crumpled, his hand reaching out for Bill’s shirt. Bill turned, pulling Mike in close. “I know you did.”

He pressed a kiss to Mike’s temple, closing his eyes as he held him.

* * *

Sunlight streamed in through the windows.

Bill had fallen asleep pressed tight to Mike’s back, his arms wrapped around him. At some point, they’d gathered themselves at the head of the bed and slid underneath the covers. The door was still open and Bill had a moment to panic about the fact that he wasn’t panicking. He was warm and relaxed, not the slightest bit uncomfortable about being so close to Mike. It seemed natural. Like it was where he was supposed to be.

He slowly pulled himself away, stretching his arms over his head as he moved through the hallway. He was approaching the kitchen when a voice called out.

“I’ve got to be in New York for reshoots,” Audra said, pulling a bag over her shoulder. Her face was drawn, keys in hand.

Bill nodded, running a hand over his face. “Okay, have a safe flight. I won’t, uh,” he let out a slow breath. “I won’t be here when you get back.” She smiled, a coldness in her eyes. “I have my last date in Paris next week.”

Audra stood by the door. “I assume he’s going with you.”

It wasn’t a question. “Don’t do that.”

“Bill,” she began.

“Don’t take it out on him. It’s not his fault.”

“You can’t even name what it is, can you?” She set her keys down and covered her face. “We were happy, Bill. So happy and then he calls you, out of the blue, and everything changed. You’re on a plane to Derry the next morning, a place I’ve never even  _ heard of _ , to do god knows what and you come back a stranger.”

Bill crossed his arms, his stomach twisting. “I don’t mean to make life hard for you. I know that’s hard to understand,” he moved in closer, “this is hard to understand but none of this,  _ none of it _ is about him.”

She shook her head, studying the counter for a moment. “He makes it impossible to hate him. He’s so –  _ so _ ….”

“I know,” Bill said with a small smile. “He’s always been that way.”

Audra chewed on her lip, crossing the remaining space between them. “Things weren’t perfect between us when you left, but they weren’t terrible.”

Bill heard the question. “They weren’t.” Even when he had his doubts about what role Pennywise may have played in his marriage, he’d never questioned that they’d been happy. “But they weren’t as they should be. I’m not saying this to hurt you or because what you accused me of is true. It’s not. I’d never do that to you.”

“But you would, if you could,” she said slowly. “If I wasn’t an obstacle,” she added, touching his face.

Bill shivered, closing his eyes. She traced his lips with her thumb. When he looked to her, her eyes were wet. “There’s someone out there for you. A good deal better than me,” he said.

“Oh, I don’t doubt it,” she said with a watery laugh. She kissed the corner of his mouth and pushed his face back playfully. “Take care.”

She grabbed her things and headed for the door. Bill wiped at his eyes, replying, “You too.”

Water beat down upon Bill’s back as he planted his hands on the shower wall.

He was glad he’d come to some sort of accord with Audra, as much as he dreaded to think what his mother would say if she knew he was getting divorced. He was dreading what Richie would say – if he’d add some digs at him to his comedy set. He already knew Mike would find a way to blame himself. Bill would have to keep a lot of things under wraps for now.

Such as the fact that waking up with Mike that morning had been the most relaxed and comfortable that he’d ever been. Feeling Mike soft and sleepwarm against his chest, the scent of him in his nose, it felt like coming home. Mike fit in his arms in a way that Audra never really had and the realization nearly brought Bill to his knees.

He wasn’t so naïve as to believe this was just pure friendship, twisted and bent. That this near desperate need to keep Mike close, to eat up all of his time and affection, was simply because he’d missed him. He missed Richie violently some days, but it never made him feel like this. Even his stray thoughts about Bev hadn’t made him feel like this. Was this simply because Mike made him feel invincible? Or because Mike seemed to feel the same way?  
  
Did Mike feel the same way? The way he spoke, he’d never been in a serious relationship. He told jokes about the elderly women that came to the library, trying to set him up with their daughters, and some of their sons. He never gave a hint one way or the other that he wasn’t straight or that he was even looking for anything romantic. He’d spent so much of his life watching over Derry.

But the way he’d sounded that night on the phone, the life he dreamt of, with a nice home, a partner,  _ kids _ – Mikey wanted a  _ life.  _ He’d never made time for it. Never seemed to try.

And he could have it all - if he’d only ask. Mike was kindhearted, intelligent, and warm. He was special, in a way that became easily apparent if you  _ just talked to him _ . His face was so expressive, his eyes so bright, so full of wonder and possibility. Everything mundane seemed amazing through Mike’s eyes.

Bill felt lucky just to know him.

* * *

The ride to Paris was somber.

Mike’s eyes hardly strayed from the windows, his shoulders tight. His face tense, hands clasped together in his lap like a polite church boy. A sure sign he was stressed and uncomfortable; Bill knew it was his fault. He hadn’t really spoken to Mike about what happened with Audra; he hadn’t known how.

Should he tell Mike things hadn’t been right for a while before the tour? That they’d slept together, but hadn’t really spoken since Derry? That being on tour had only made the rift in his marriage more evident? That being with Mike had only confirmed what Bill had suspected since the plane ride home from Derry?

Bill Denbrough was hopelessly in love with Mike Hanlon.

It wasn’t going away, it wasn’t a phase. It was permanent as any ink _ ,  _ embedded deep within him like a brand.

He’d never tell Mike – how could he? Mike would find a way to blame himself, as if the divorce was his fault. He’d take it as yet another way he’d ruined his friends’ lives. Bill couldn’t bear the responsibility of putting that wounded look on Mike’s face again.

So, he buried it down, resolved himself to keep a friendly distance. It was the last leg of the tour. He’d show Mike Paris, he’d show him the best time yet. And at the end of it, they’d go their separate ways.

They’d return to late night phone calls, their voices bridging the distance between them. Mike’s tired rasping voice in his ear as he got ready for bed. Instead of looking over to find Mike right beside him, brushing his teeth and flashing toothpaste smiles at him, he’d have to imagine it. Just as he’d imagine his smile, the adorable way he sleepily rubbed at his eyes, his scent, his warmth.

It would never be enough.

“Er, Bill?”

Lost in thought, Bill startled a bit at Mike’s voice. Mike was watching him quietly, chewing on his lip as he waited. “Yeah?”

Mike averted his gaze, his left thumb tracing nervously over his right hand. “I think maybe… I shouldn’t have come.”

Crestfallen, Bill turned towards him as best he could in the seat. “Why?”

“All I’ve done is cause problems for you. Distract you from work, spend your money, and – and Audra,” he swallowed, his eyes pained as he returned to Bill. “I think it was a mistake for me to come on this tour with you.”

Chest tightening, Bill reached out, taking his hand. “It wasn’t. Believe me. You didn’t distract me from anything and I liked bringing you with me. I’ve never had this much fun on a tour before. Hell, I’m starting to wonder if I knew what fun was before I asked you to come along,” he admitted, earning a bashful smile. Emboldened, he continued on, “Things with Audra, they weren’t your doing. You didn’t start anything that wasn’t already in motion.”

His thumb brushed over Mike’s, just that small touch left a flutter in Bill’s stomach. Mike’s brow furrowed, his voice low. “And you’d tell me if I did? If it was my fault?”

_ Honestly, no. _ “Of course,” Bill said. “Now, can I enjoy Paris without you moping beside me?”

Mike shook his head, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “I guess.”

“You guess? Come on, Mikey. You haven’t shut up about seeing the Louvre since I’ve known you.” Bill’s teasing grin dimmed a bit. “Don’t let me ruin that for you.”

Mike held his gaze, scanning Bill’s face. As Bill’s heart threatened to burst out of his chest, he fought to keep his face neutral. After some time, Mike nodded, offering a soft smile that took Bill’s breath away.

“You’re not ruining anything. I’m glad you’re with me.”

The look in his eyes, the sheer light behind them, Bill could almost believe that. It sent a tremor through his blood, a tug in his gut that left him wordless in response. A nervous flutter taking off within him, his hands nervous where they held Mike’s.

When they arrive in Paris, it’s pouring down rain.

Mike grabs Bill’s hand in the baggage claim as they race out to the line of cabs. His laughter rang out through the crowded street as Bill struggled to keep up. A horn sounded and they leapt back safely onto the sidewalk as a cab came to a halt in front of them. Bill opened the door, guiding Mike inside carefully. Soaked to their skins, their clothes weighing heavily on their frames as Bill gave the address of the hotel.

When they arrived, the sky was a dark grey, ominous and illuminated with stray sparks of lightning. They rushed inside, their soles sliding along the cobblestone steps. Mike kept close to him, his laugh leaving Bill weak in knees as he took his hand. They helped each other stay upright as they found the elevators.

Once inside their room, Mike grabbed a few fluffy towels from the bathroom. Grinning, he came at Bill’s hair with one, drying it roughly.

“Come on,” Bill whined, stepping backwards as Mike followed. He kept at it, his laugh musical and light, banishing the rest of the odd mood from the plane.

Mike’s attention drifted over to the large window, watching the traffic move through the storm. Bill followed, resting his hand on Mike’s back with a soft hum. “I’m sorry, Mikey. I really wanted to show you the city.”

“Don’t be silly. You can hardly control the weather,” Mike replied, turning toward him.

Bill really wished he wouldn’t. This close, he easily caught Mike’s scent, soft and clean, inviting. His eyes caught on a few rain drops trailing down the column of his throat and disappearing beneath his button-down shirt. A shirt that was completely soaked through, stuck clean to Mike’s muscular frame like a second skin.

Bill’s mouth ran dry, his hands tightening at his sides. Mike sat down, cross legged as he watched the city. Bill followed suit, trying to focus even as his eyes kept finding their way back to Mike. A flash of lightning caught his eye, the water beating down hard on the window pane.

“I still get nervous when it rains like this,” he admitted quietly.

He could feel Mike’s eyes on him. When he looked over, Mike reached up with the towel, his eyes soft and fond as he gently wiped Bill’s face. The corner of his mouth turned up as he carefully traced the curve of Bill’s cheek. Thick lashes fluttered over his cheeks as he averted his gaze, his hands wavering as Bill looked on, almost too afraid to breathe. Certainly, too afraid to move, stuck in place.

Brown eyes cut to Bill’s, bright and clear. Nearing as Bill rose upon his knees, pushing his face further into Mike’s hands as their lips met in the center. Mike let out a quiet breath, his lips soft and warm beneath Bill’s, parting as Bill’s tongue softly touched his. The simple brush of it sent shivers down Bill’s spine, overwarm in his wet clothes. Mike’s clutched at his face, keeping him close as he leaned in further, a soft moan escaping. Mike tasted of coffee and rain, Bill chased more of him, his hands reaching out of their own accord to take hold of his shirt. Gripping it tight as he quickly lost himself in the slide of their mouths, hunger winning out.

A hand pressed against his chest, pushing him back. Bill sat back on his knees, rather dazed as Mike stared at him wide eyed. Panting, Mike touched his lips softly, the sight of them bruised and wet making Bill’s stomach twist with desire. He forced himself to keep still.

Mike was still staring at him, awareness slowly returning. He looked sickened.

“Mike?” Bill asked, off kilter. Stricken, Mike quickly climbed to his feet, grabbing his jacket. “Mike!”

The door closed quietly, even upset Mike would never slam a door. Bill leaned back against the window, covering his face. “Fuck.”

“Pick up, pick up, pick up,” Bill muttered, pacing the hotel room.

It had been two hours and Mike still hadn’t returned. He wasn’t like Bill, he didn’t know the city and there was a very real chance he was lost and trying to avoid doing the sensible thing like  _ calling Bill _ because he didn’t want to talk to him. Whatever was going through Bill’s head, he was sure Mike had it worse. Hadn’t Bill just sat on a plane and told himself not to unload his feelings on Mike? It hadn’t even taken an hour to break that promise.

And now Mike was upset, lost and alone wandering an unfamiliar city.

When Mike’s phone went to voicemail for the tenth time, Bill cursed, tossing the phone on the bed as he flopped down on his back. He’d barely closed his eyes when it rang.

He shot up, “Mikey?”

“Uh… no. I’d say sorry to disappoint, but you know me,” A sly voice crooned. Sighing, Bill covered his face.

“Richie.”

“Who else? What’s up? You expecting a gentleman caller?”

Bill rubbed at his face, letting out a low groan. “I really screwed up.” His breath hitched. “R-Richie, I don’t know what to do.”

A pause. “Hey, man. I’m pretty damn sure I’m not the best person to talk to about whatever this is but I can try to act like a functioning adult. What happened?”

Bill told him everything.  _ Everything _ , from the nightly phone calls to the way he’d felt in Copenhagen. The annoyance he’d felt on the ride from the airport in Japan and, looking back at it now, he might’ve been a tad jealous. The way his mood instantly lifted when he met up with Mike after work. The way he’d never been calmer, more confident,  _ happier  _ than when he was with Mike.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Richie swore. “Only you would marry a drop, dead gorgeous actress and  _ then _ decide to start playing with joysticks.”

“I’m serious.”

“Oh, so am I. I’m very serious. How long have you been a friend of Elton?”

Huffing out a frustrated breath, Bill grumbled, “Richie, I’m not joking about this.”

Richie laughed, a slight pause before he said, “I have to make jokes. I have to give you at least a little shit about it, you know me.”

The words brought a helpless smile to Bill’s face. “I know.”

Richie cleared his throat. “So, you royally shit the bed, huh?”

Bill huffed out a laugh, covering his face. “Looks like it. It’s been hours and he still hasn’t come back.”

“He just needs time. You know Mike. He likes to actually think things through before doing anything. He’s all sensible and responsible like.”

“Yeah,” Bill said fondly. “Why did he ever become friends with us?”

“I’ve been asking myself that for a while now.”

Bill chewed on his lip, muttering, “Do you think Audra was right? Do you think I just like having him around because I need a cheerleader?”

“Look, I don’t know what kind of kinky role play you guys have been getting up to—”

“Richie,” Bill chided.

“But there’s a difference between wanting someone around to prop you up and wanting someone around because they make you believe you can do anything. Impossible things you never thought you could do. Like beat the shit out of a murderous fucking clown.” His voice softened, “I think maybe Mike always made you feel that way and you shouldn’t just throw that away. And you really shouldn’t wait. You might run out time.”

Bill’s throat tightened as Richie continued, “Sometimes I think we were meant to stay together.” He cleared his throat, his voice rougher. “Don’t make a move just yet.”

“Too late.”

Richie laughed softly, the sound warming Bill’s heart. “Don’t make  _ another _ move just yet. Make sure you’re sure first. Mike’s the best of us. Don’t jerk him around.”

Bill nodded to himself, then, “So, don’t wait too long but don’t rush it?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Richie said with a grin in his voice. “Hurry up and wait.”

Bill laughed, studying his shoes. “I’d wonder if… maybe I love being around him because he makes me feel like a kid again. He’s so much fun to be around, but life isn’t always going to be fun.”

“I think Mike knows that better than the rest of us.”

Bill was half asleep when Mike returned.

He was dry, an umbrella in hand and his journal. It must’ve been in his coat pocket. He moved carefully through the room, only the light from the bedside lamp to guide him. As he approached the bed, Bill sat up, rubbing at his eyes.

“You okay? I worried about you,” he rasped.

Mike nodded once, his face hidden in shadow as he slipped out of his shoes. “I got your messages.”

“Oh,” Bill said, at a loss for what else to say. Mike was never this quiet.

“I’m going to take a shower.”

As he left the room, Bill leaned back against the pillows. He wished he’d at least asked Marta to get two beds this time. It was clear Mike wanted space. Bill didn’t blame him.

When Mike returned, he slid into bed, as far from Bill as the bed would allow. Bill slid down on his back, staring up at the ceiling. After a few moments, he gave in.

“Mike, about today—”

“Can we not? Please?” Mike asked, his voice strained, squeezing at Bill’s heart. “Just for tonight.”

Bill swallowed, “Okay, Mikey. Goodnight.”

Mike turned over on his side.

* * *

Bill woke up to find Mike sitting up on the edge of the bed. Mike’s shoulders softly rose and fell, the quiet reminding Bill in seconds of what he’d done. Something had broken between them, and it was all his fault. 

“I’m sorry,” Bill rasped, tensing as Mike flinched in response. “Mike?”

“You’re sorry?”

“Yes, can I – can you look at me?”

He sat up as Mike finally turned towards him. As soon as he did, Bill wished he hadn’t asked. Mike’s face was drawn, his eyes pained. Everything Bill had been trying to avoid – but he’d caused it all the same.

“Mike,” he tried, reaching out as Mike moved further away. “I am truly sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have kissed you and—”

“It was my fault,” Mike cut in, tightening the vice around Bill’s heart.

“No, it wasn’t.”

“I kissed you,” Mike blurted out, his eyes wide and gleaming. “I kissed you. I’m sorry, Bill. It’s just - the way you were looking at me,” he began, his eyes welling up, “I just – for a second, I just forgot that we weren’t the only two people on the planet. And that it would be wrong.”

“Mike,” Bill murmured, touching his face. Mike squeezed his eyes shut, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“It was selfish,” he finished.

“Listen to me,” Bill said, drawing his gaze. He wiped at Mike’s cheek, his voice firm. “It doesn’t matter if you kissed me first, I kissed you back. I wanted to. I’ve wanted to for quite some time now.”

Mike blinked at him, his mouth moving wordlessly. “You’re married.”

“I told you, you didn’t break anything I hadn’t broken a long time ago. All you’ve done is make me realize what my marriage was missing. Audra and I, we love each other but we don’t put each other first. Being with you put that into perspective.” He cupped Mike’s face, his eyes warming. “I didn’t know it could feel like this. I find it near impossible to be without you. I can’t picture my future without you.”

Mike’s eyes softened, murmuring, “Me too.”

“You’re my North Star, Mike. I thought it was our oath bringing me back to Derry, but it was always you. It’s who you are to everyone around you. It’s impossible not to love you. I keep thinking, if I’d known then what I know now, I would’ve never left.”

Mike stared at him breathless, eyes wide in disbelief. A tear rolled down his cheek as he pressed forward, crushing their mouths together. Bill kept him upright, his thumb tracing over Mike’s cheeks as the taste of salt burst across his tongue. He kissed Mike’s lips, his face, his nose, his forehead, his eyes falling shut as he breathed him in.

Sighing, he rested his head against Mike’s, breathing him in.

* * *

The sun finally came out on their last day in Paris.

Bill shook his head, shielding his eyes as they stood just outside the hotel. His left hand was twined together with Mike’s, the feeling of which still sent a nervous flutter through Bill’s stomach like he was all of twelve again

“How much can we see in one day?” Bill asked with a frown. Mike squeezed his hand, drawing his gaze. “I’m sorry this was such a crappy visit.”

Mike shook his head with a grin, pulling Bill in closer. “I didn’t mind. It was nice spending all that time in the room with you. Ordering room service, eating way too much cake and watching movies. Sometimes it’s nice to just slow down.”

Bill hadn’t seen the appeal of it before, but it had been nice curling up beneath the covers watching silly romantic comedies. Romance certainly wasn’t a genre he’d been all that enamored with before, but it had a lightness to it that seemed all the more desirable after going from city to city rehashing the worst year of his childhood. Having Mike there was the only thing that made it bearable. 

“If you say so. We can at least see the Louvre. Young me would never forgive me if I didn’t at least take you there.”

“It’s a deal,” Mike said with a grin. They started down the street. After some time, Bill added, “Audra must hate me.”

“She doesn’t,” Bill replied. “She found it impossible to hate you.”

“You talked about me?”

“More about my feelings for you. I think she knew way before I did.” He hid a smile, kissing the back of Mike’s hand. “No poker face.” He looked to Mike in question. “When did you know?”

Mike hummed in question. “When did you know how you felt about me?” Bill asked.

Mike’s eyes widened, a nervous smile on his face. “I don’t know.”

“You’re hiding something.”

Mike shook his head, studying his feet. “When we were kids, you were the most amazing guy I ever met. You were the first person that ever made me feel safe. You made me feel like I could do anything.” The words give Bill pause, remembering Richie’s words. “Then we went our separate ways, I went to work at the library, and one day, this book comes across my desk. I’m told to put it right out front because the author was one of Derry’s own. There’s your face staring back at me on the back cover and all of those memories came flooding back.”

He shrugged, looking to Bill as he answered honestly, “I fell in love with you one summer in Derry and again when you were standing in the middle of a sewer.” His smile was soft with the memory. “Covered in mud and god knows what else, risking your life to save a town you’d forgotten.”

He reached out, smoothing back an errant lock of Bill’s hair. He smiled, his eyes gleaming in the sunlight. “I don’t think I ever stopped loving Bill Denbrough. I don’t think I know how.”

Bill swallowed thickly, his heart turning over in his chest. “You’ve got a way with words, Mikey.”

“That’s a big compliment coming from you,” he replied, starting down the street.

Bill was helpless to follow.

**Author's Note:**

> This story features the end of Bill/Audra's marriage. Bill does not physically do anything with Mike until both Audra and BIll agree that separating is the best thing to do. 
> 
> Drop me a line and let me know what you think!


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